Horde vs Alliance: Bowling
by Ranger24
Summary: In the midst of war, destruction, toil, strife, hatred, and carnage the Leaders of the Horde and the Alliance can still come together for one thing. A "Friendly" game of bowling. Come for the bowling, stay for the eventual break down into senseless violence! Brought to you by Smokeywood Pastures and Angry Hawkstriders! Language and Crude Humor.
1. Chapter 1: The battle to end all

Chapter 1: The battle to end all

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

In Stormwind...

"Okay," Varian Wrynn said in as firm a tone as he could muster (which considering things was as firm as solid concrete). "We all know the plan?"

"Perscion not power," Genn Greymane replied.

"No using rockets even if the other side does," Gelbin Mekkatorque said.

"Kill Garrosh..." Jaina hissed, considerably less stable than usual.

Velen snored loudly in his wheel chair whilst a busty Draenei nurse made sure his medication was working.

"I think we're doomed," Tyrande Whisperwind muttered under her breath.

Varian sighed and shook his head.

"Let's just get going," he said dismally. "Jaina?"

"Burn, salt the earth," Jaina hissed.

"Jaina."

"Throw the women in children into camps, sterilize the men!"

"Jaina."

"Bury the cities in sand, destroy every record."

"Jaina!"

"Kill, kill them all!"

"JAINA!" Varian shouted with his best battlefield voice.

Jaina jumped slightly at Varian's shout.

"Huh what?" She said blinking as though waking from sleep.

"Are you on your medication?" Varian asked.

"Maybe," Jaina said evasively.

Varian shook his in annoyance.

"Just open the portal," he said.

"Right," Jaina muttered. "Sorry."

Meanwhile in Orgrimmar...

"The Alliance lack our strength, our drive, and our fury!" Garrosh ranted hardly noticing how his small audience was not paying him even the slightest bit of attention.

"So yeah, she just ordered everyone of the Sunreavers thrown in the Violet Hold because someone out smarted her wards." Lor'Themar said finishing the story he was telling Sylvanas and Baine. "A mission that I'd like to note involved no Alliance casualties or property damage."

"How heavily involved were the Silver Covenant?" Sylvanas asked tenatively.

"How does dangling someone over a shark tank sound?" Lor'Themar answered.

Sylvanas winced.

"Your sister still hasn't been returning you letters?" Baine asked.

Sylvanas nodded.

"She hasn't replied since Theramore," Sylvanas replied sounding outright miserable. "She set me one incoherently furious letter after it happened, and that was it."

"Tragic," Baine said shaking his head.

"You mooks wanna shut up?" Trade Prince Jasper Gallywix said to them. "I'm trying to listen to our Warchief's incredible speech!"

"No you're not," Lor'Themar said. "You're playing Angry Birds on your walker!"

"Details!" Gallywix said with a wave of his hand. "Besides its not Angry Birds, its Angry Hawkstriders."

"Oh dear Ancestors," Lor'Themar groaned.

"What's wrong?" Baine asked.

"Everywhere I go in Silvermoon people are playing that game," Lor'Themar said. "Its hard to hold a war council when the Matriarch of your Paladins, the Archmage of the Sunreavers, the Grand Magister, and the Ranger General are all playing that thing on their mobile devices."

"I'm getting to old for this," Saurfang muttered. "I almost miss Northrend."

"How is Northrend?" Baine asked.

"Cold, pretty barren, and still plenty of undead," Saurfang said with a shrug. "Where's Vol'jin anyways?"

Sylvanas, Baine, and Lor'Themar put on their best false confused or disinterested. Baine tossed a quick glance at Garrosh who was still ranting.

"What's wrong?" Saurfang asked.

"He's dead," Gallywinx replied.

"What?"

"Killed on a scouting mission in Pandaria," Gallywix explained. "Always knew he'd meet a bad end, right Baine?"

Baine nodded gravely.

Saurfang frowned clearly recognizing something was up.

"THAT!" Garrosh thundered drawing their attention back to him. "Is why we shall achieve victory on this day! FOR THE HORDE!"

A few of them gave cautious applause while Gallywix clapped enthusiastically.

"Onward to victory!" Garrosh shouted raising Gorehowl high into the air and charging out the door.

The rest sat their in silence for a moment until Rommath emerged playing, Angry Hawkstriders on his Ipad.

"He does know I haven't opened the portal yet doesn't he?" The Grand Magister said not looking up from his game.

"Honestly I'm not sure," Baine admitted.

"Our Warchief folks," Sylvanas said, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Put that thing away!" Lor'Themar snapped. "You're supposed to be working.

"Aww," Rommath muttered.

Shattrath city...

Deep within Shattrath city, underneath the massive citadel in the center of the city exists a mostly secret chamber. Inaccessible to players this chamber serves but one purpose, once every year it is opened.

The entire chamber was dark, cavernously so. All was silent.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a male human said over a PA system. "Give it up for the Alliance!"

A spot light came to life pointing on a door way. Out of which came Varian, Genn, Gelbin, Jaina, Tyrande, and Velen in his wheel chair being pushed along by the same busty Draenei nurse. All of them were wearing matching mage weave short sleeved collared uniforms and shorts all Alliance blue. Varian gave a wave flashing the best smile he could. There was a round of applause mixed with a jeers.

Then another spot light came to life.

"And now," a male Orc said over the PA system. "Give it up for the Horde!"

Out from another door stormed Garrosh still roaring out a battle cried. Gallywix followed right behind him trying to look half as impressive. Lor'Themar, Sylvanas, Baine, and Saurfang followed them out shaking their heads in disbelief, Saurfang even had his head in his hands. The applause were clearly more focused towards the later four, except for in some cases Sylvanas. Like their opponents they were dressed in matching uniforms of Horde dark red.

A camera panned to show the two announcers, three guess as to who they are an no cheating.

"I'm the incredibly attractive and badass General Nagrim," Nazgrim said sitting comfortably behind a hard wood desk made from a single tree cut in Terrokar forest that could give the Cenarion Circle a heart attack.

"An I'm the even more attractive and badass Admiral Taylor," Taylor added also sitting comfortably behind the same desk. Both were dressed in fine dining suits with ties matching their factions colors.

"Its an awesome day for a friendly bowling match between the our warring nations leaders," Nazgrim commented. "We've got a big crowd here waiting for the pins to start flying."

"Pins of limbs Nazgrim," Taylor replied. "We all remember what happened last time?"

"Indeed," Nazgrim stated. "And our thoughts go out to the families of the Shattrath Peace Keepers killed in the brawl that started over accusations of steroid usage."

"Tragic that," Taylor said solemnly.

"Indeed it was," Nazgrim agreed.

"Just reminding everyone that this broadcast is brought to you by Smokeywood Pastures." Taylor continued brightly. "We ruin all your holidays for our profit!"

"Also brought to you by Angry Hawkstriders," Nazgrim said. "Coming soon with a Starcraft spin off!"

"If that is not a cash grab I don't know what is," Taylor replied still smiling.

"True enough," Nazgrim said with a matching grin.

"We go live now to the floor where our new Panderan anchor Chow-F-Chang," Taylor replied. "Chow?"

The Camera switched to a female panderan in a bright red dress.

"Thanks boys," she said with a small giggle.

"Not touching that," Nazgrim said of camera.

"Shush!" Taylor hissed.

"The tension surrounding this match is massive!" Chow said excitedly, clearly not having heard Nazgrim's commented. "With war raging in my ancestral home land and in Kalimdor the negative energy surrounding this match is so much if we weren't in Outland it would summon a Sha! And due to contractual obligations I have to be excited about that!"

"Chow how are things down there?" Taylor asked.

"Well Garrosh is giving a last minute pep talk to his team which sounds like pretty much ever other speech he's every made," Chow said motioning to the Horde who looked bored to tears while Garrosh ranted on and on about the superiority of the Horde. "Garrosh is clearly not as solid a leader as his predecessor Thr-Go'el, he seems to be very bad at reading the mood of his team. There is also the mysterious death of Darkspear tribal chieftan, Vol'jin. Any thoughts on that Nazgrim."

The camera quickly switched back to Nazgrim and Taylor. Nazgrim glanced over the shoulder to a corner where Malkorok sat sharpening his axes threateningly.

"Tragic," Nazgrim said quickly. "Hopefully the Chieftan is resting peacefully with his ancestors."

Malkorok scowled but did not move. Nazgrim gulped.

"So whats going on with the Alliance?" Taylor asked quickly.

The Camera switched to Chow who grimaced.

"I do believe they are trying to wake up Velen," Chow replied motioning to the Alliance faction leaders who were crowded about the Draenei prophet. Varian was waving a pudding cup in front of Velen face while Genn turned on "I love Lucy" on his Ipad and waving it in front of him. "It does not appear to be working very well."

"Well lets hope he can wake up before its his turn to bowl," Taylor replied.

"And here comes the referee, the insanely badass Tirion Fordring!" Nazgrim proclaimed.

In came Tirion Fordring wearing a black and white striped shirt with massive shoulder armor pieces. The Ashbringer swung from his back as the crowd roared with approval as he marched in. He strode to the center of the bowling alley and motioned to Garrosh and Varian to come and join him.

"It appears we are about to see the coin toss for who goes first," Taylor said.

"I'm on the edge of my seat for this Taylor," Nazgrim added.

"Me to," Taylor agreed.

"Let's listen it!"

The camera zoomed in on the trio as Varian and Garrosh glared at each other.

"Alright gentlemen," Tirion said. "Let's have a good clean game."

"Let's hope you put up a better fight than your son," Garrosh spat.

"Keep telling yourself that Garrosh," Varian growled. "I'm taking you down."

"Enough of that," Tirion said pushing them a part. "I want a clean shake."

Teeth clentched Garrosh and Varian clasped each others hands and squeezed hard trying to crush each others fingers. They stiffly jerked one anothers arms up and down. They broke apart clearly intending to wash their hand is quickly as could be allowed.

Tirion brought out a coin.

"Call it in the air." He said.

"Heads," Varian said.

"Tails," Garrosh snarled.

The Coin flew into the air, flipped end over end, and then fell. Tirion caught it, smacked against his wrist, and then looked at it.

"Its heads," he said showing it to the two faction leaders. Garrosh ground his teeth while Varian grinned. "Return to you teams and figure out your teams order." He gave Varian a kurt nod. "Alliance goes first." Then he nodded to Garrosh. "Then Horde."

The two Faction Leaders, the King and the Warchief, split away to rejoin their teams. Tirion returned the coin to his pocket and took a seat.

"And what a fantastic start to this event," Taylor stated.

"Yes indeed," Nazgrim agreed. "Alliance going first followed by the Horde."

"The we'll get to the start of the action after a short commercial break," Taylor continued. "Don't go away folks there is plenty more where this came from."


	2. Chapter 2: Round 1

Chapter 2: Round 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"And welcome back folks," Taylor said. "To the secret Shattrath city bowling alley."

"I'm pretty sure that secret is blown Taylor," Nazgrim said.

"Not the point," Taylor replied. "When we left off the Alliance had won the coin toss to go first. Now the teams are just entering their final line ups."

"We take you now to our lady in the alley Chow-F-Chang," Nazgrim continued. "Chow?"

The camera switched over to Chow who was standing a good safe distance from both teams and right in front of a large score board.

"Thanks Nazzie," Chow said brightly.

"Still not touching that," Nazgrim muttered.

"Shush!" Taylor hissed.

"As you can see behind me," she said clearly not having heard Nazgrim once again. "This score board will be tracking the player scores today for all to see. Now the rules of the game are fairly simple. Standard ten pin bowling only at the end of the game each teams points are totaled and the team with the most points at games end wins."

"Chow do you sense any distinct advantages either team has?" Nazgrim asked.

"Well," Chow said. "The Horde clearly has the advantage in raw physical strength. Warchief Garrosh Hellscream, Overlord Saurfang, and High Chieftain Baine Bloodhoof in particular present a distinct edge. Banshee Queen Sylvanas Windrunner and Regent Lord Lor'Themar Theron are also pretty solid with the only weak point likely being Trade Prince Jasper Gallywix."

"How do you figure that Chow?" Taylor asked.

"Well Taylor, the Trade Prince has been labelled dangerously overweight," she replied. "I could give a number of fat jokes if you'd like to illustrate this?"

The Camera switched back to Taylor and Nazgrim. Nazgrim glanced over his shoulder to see Malkorok still sharpening his axes in a threatening manner. Nazgrim gulped then shook his head as subtly and pleadingly as he could to Taylor.

"That won't be necessary," Taylor replied.

"Are you sure?" Chow asked. "I've got some really good ones."

"No really-."

"Trade Prince Gallywix is so fat that his walker needs industrial strength shocks to carry him!"

"Chow seriously..."

"Trade Prince Gallywix is so fat that when he goes to the beach druids start dumping buckets of water on him," Chow continued, oblivious to Taylor and Nazgrim's pleading.

"Chow this is not..."

"Trade Prince Gallywix is so fat he put a bounty on his genitals!"

"Chow that's disgusting!" Nazgrim exclaimed looking revolted.

"Oh light I will not be able to get that image out of my head," Taylor moaned.

"Trade Prince Gallywix," Chow started again only for Malkorok to wrap around her mouth and then silently shove something into her back. She gave a muffled scream, struggled for a few moments then became utterly still. Malkorok then dragged her away trying to avoid excess blood dripping onto the floor.

"Um..." Nazgrim said slowly. "I think we're having a little technical difficulty folks. Enjoy this message from our sponsors while we resolve this."

Quick cut away...

The screen goes dark.

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A ring of fire erupts to life.

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The Fire forms now into several Panderan glyphs.

_"One place where the true art of culinary craftsmanship is practiced."_

The Glyphs now transform into legible glyphs.

_"Lord Tzu's Panderan Stir Fry!_" The Male Panderan proclaimed. "_Only available at the Shado-Pan Monastry, Kun-Lai Summit! Make you reservations today!_"

_Warning! Lord Tzu's Panderan Stir Fry is not responsible for any injury, illness, or death sustained by our guests. These include food poisoning, diabetes, indigestion, Sha possession, and ninja attack. Consult your doctor before trying Lord Tzu's Stir Fry._

Cut back to the secret bowling alley.

"And we're back!" Nazgrim said a little to cheerfully.

"That's right," Taylor said also a little to cheerfully. "And joining us now in the pit is Gnomergan Gnews Anchor Wendy Breezy!"

Camera cuts down to the alley and a cheerful female gnome with blueish-white hair.

"Thanks Taylor!" She said in a typical gnome voice, namely cheerful and cute to the point where you just want to punt them into a wood chipper. Sorry about that.

"Wait didn't you get killed at the opening of the Dark Portal?" Nazgrim asked.

"I got better," she replied.

"Wendy what can you tell us about the Alliance team?" Taylor asked. "We've already had the opinion of your previous office holder on the Horde team."

"Oh I think the Alliance will do just super!" She said brightly. "I mean sure Prophet Velen is older than Azeroth and King Gelbin Mekkatorque is not the most athletic Gnome on the block but we've got Kings Varian Wrynn and Genn Greymane to consider. Pound for pound a worgen can make up for two orcs and a tauren."

"Interesting theory," Nazgrim said.

"I believe the teams are finalizing their line ups now. Wendy whats the word?" Taylor asked.

"Well just look at the score board," she said stepping aside to show the board.

Team: Alliance

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Varian-

Jaina-

Tyrande-

Genn-

Gelbin-

Velen-

Team total:

Team: Horde

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Garrosh-

Sylvanas-

Saurfang-

Lor'Themar-

Gallywix-

Baine-

Team total:

"Interesting if somewhat random line up," Nazgrim commented.

"Clearly there is a brilliant strategy behind these choices," Taylor replied.

"Not really," Wendy said. "Both sides just drew straws. I know, I was watching."

"Well then," Taylor said, clearly off put. "Looks life King Varian Wrynn is stepping up to take the first throw."

The camera switches to Varian who picked up a nice shiny black ball. He scrunched up his scared face in concentration and the let the ball loose down the lane. It flew straight on in and with a loud crash knocked down all of the pins.

"And its a strike!" Taylor exclaimed.

"Not to bad of form on that throw," Nazgrim stated.

Varian pumped a fist in the air while Garrosh shot him a bird.

"Warchief Garrosh Hellscream up now," Taylor said as Garrosh moved up to the lane with a very similar ball to Varian's. With a furious roar Garrosh hurled his ball down the alley and shattered the pins.

"And its another strike!" Nazgrim exclaimed.

"I would hate to be those pins right now," Taylor said with a wince. "Next up is Lady Jaina Proudmoore for the Alliance."

Jaina hurried up to the lane as several Broken Draenei cleared away the wreckage of Garrosh's pins. Garrosh gave her a malicious grin before miming a bomb being dropped on something before exploding. Furiously Jaina threw her ball only for it to bounce into the gutter and miss completely.

"Oh and its a gutter ball," Nazgrim said.

"And it looks as though the Ref is having a few words with Warchief Hellscream," Taylor observed.

Sure enough Tirion came storming up to Garrosh.

"One warning!" He snapped, getting right up in Garrosh's face. "Pull something like that again and its five points off."

"I didn't do anything," Garrosh said trying to sound sickeningly innocent.

Tirion blew a whistle and Garrosh's ear and the Warchief howled in pain clutching at his ears.

"And that is why cheaters never prosper," Taylor stated.

"Lady Proudmoore comes up for her second attempt," Nazgrim observed.

Sure enough Jaina had retrieved her ball and still looking furious took aim. She threw it down the lane but unlike Varian or Garrosh she only managed to get about half the pins.

"And Lady Proudmoore walks away with respectable six points," Taylor said.

"If six is respectable then Stormwinds bowling scene must suck."

"Shut up Nazgrim," Taylor replied. "Next up is Banshee Queen Sylvanas Windrunner."

Sylvanas took up her own ball and moved into position to throw.

"My look how she handles that ball," Nazgrim commented.

"Nazgrim!"

"What?" Nazgrim demanded. "I was commenting on her posture and form as she prepares to take her shot."

"Oh."

"But she does have a nice ass."

Sylvanas threw her ball and managed to take down a solid seven pins.

"Not bad not bad," Taylor mused.

"She now sets up to take her second shot," Nazgrim said.

Sylvanas retrieved her ball and stepped up to the line. Once more she sent the ball down the lane and knocked down the remaining three pins.

"And she picks up the spare," Taylor said.

"Say what you will about her foreign policy plan but the woman is a damned fine bowler," Nazgrim stated.

"And she does have a nice ass."

"What?"

"Next up is High Priestess Tyrande Whisperwind," Taylor said quickly as Tyrande took he place on the line.

"She's got her work cut out for her," Nazgrim commented. "She needs to make up for Jaina's little mishap earlier."

"You mean blatant cheating on Garrosh's part?"

"Shut up Taylor."

Tyrande threw he ball down the lane and manage to take out a solid eight pins but.

"Oh snap!" Taylor proclaimed. "She's got a split!"

"This is definitely not what the Alliance needed this frame," Nazgrim agreed.

"She's going to have to make one of the hardest shots in bowling if the Alliance is to recover." Taylor stated.

Tyrande retrieved her ball and then tossed it down the lane. She hit one of the corner pins with such force it spun into the air.

"And its!" Taylor said on the edge of his seat.

The pin landed just short of its fellow. A groan rippled from the Alliance crowd.

"Oh so close," Nazgrim said.

"Still credit where its due," Taylor replied. "She almost got it."

"And now its time for," Nazgrim started only to be interrupted by a crashing sound.

"I don't believe it," Taylor proclaimed. "While we were talking Saurfang got a strike!"

"And not only that," Nazgrim said, "but he is also PVPing twelve rogues while pleasuring female dragons of all non corrupted flights in their humanoid forms!"

"By the Light!" Taylor shouted. "I haven't seen anything this insane since I saw Turalyon punch an ogre so hard the creatures whole skeleton came out!"

"Moving on," Nazgrim said returning to serious tones. "King Genn Greymane is up next."

"A yes King Greymane," Taylor said pulling his eyes away from the incredibly awesome Saurfang. "He has to pull something big here for the Alliance."

Genn picked up his ball and turned to face his lane. Then he transformed into his true worgen form, before throwing the ball with such force it not only knocked down all of the pins but actually smashed through the back of the lane!

"Holy Light that king has a cannon!" Taylor proclaimed.

"Most impressive!" Nazgrim agreed. "Just what the Alliance needed this round."

"Next up for the Horde its Regent Lord Lor'Themar Theron," Taylor said. "I am starting to see why so few people remembered his name before now. Its rather hard to say."

"Not really," Nazgrim replied. "It's Lore-theM-ar."

"Shut up Nazgrim," Taylor countered.

Lor'Themar stepped up to the lane, ignoring Saurfang who had finished off the Rogue's with no damage to himself. He picked up his ball and took aim.

"Look at the focus on Lor'Themar," Nazgrim proclaimed.

"He's got his ipod on," Taylor dead panned.

"Wendy can you tell us what he's listening to?" Nazgrim asked

"Guile's Theme from Street Fighter 2."

"Oh snap its on now!" Taylor proclaimed.

Lor'Themar sent his ball down the alley and knocked down all but some how the lead pin.

"Oh and he fails the strike," Nazgrim groaned.

"Let's see if he can pick up the spare," Taylor said.

Lor'Themar retrieved his ball and then returned to the lane. He took a step forward... Suddenly he stumbled wildly and the ball flew down the lane!

"Foul!" Tirion shouted storming over to the Alliance side where Jaina was looking as innocent as she could. "Blatant use of magic to sabotage a bowler!"

Lor'Themar's ball however zig zagged wildly down the lane. Every watched in shock as the ball smacked into the pin tipping it over before falling into the gutter.

"And he's done it!" Nazgrim shouted. "Thrall's balls he's done it!"

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't just seen it!" Taylor shouted.

"Can someone get my feet free?" Lor'Themar called, his feet frozen solid to the floor.

"While we wait for the referee's verdict on Lady Proudmoore's vicious act of sabotage and for the Regent Lord's feet to be unstuck we'd like to take this time to give a shout out to our sponsors," Nazgrim stated.

"Smokeywood Pastures," Taylor said. "We ruin all your holidays for our profit!"

"Also brought to you by Angry Hawkstriders," Nazgrim said. "Coming soon with a Starcraft spin off!"

"And it appears the referee has reached a verdict," Taylor said as Tirion walked away from Jaina looking ill tempered.

"One Warning!" Tirion shouted. "Next cheating earns a five point score penalty."

"The Lights justice is harsh and swift Nazgrim," Taylor commented.

"True that," Nazgrim replied. "Next up is Higher Tinkerer Gelbin Mekkatorque for the Alliance."

Gelbin stumbled forward with a bowling ball almost as large as he was. With an effort he sent it down the alley. Thankfully for the Alliance it did not gutter ball but manage to plow straight through the pins.

"And that's a solid six pins," Taylor stated. "Not bad at all."

"I'm more surprised he can make use of that ball," Nazgrim said. "Someone get him some stilts or something."

Gelbin retrieved his ball and resumed the position. With another effort he sent the ball down the alley. Another two pins toppled.

"While he fails to pick up the spare its a solid score for the king of the gnomes," Taylor said appreciatively.

"Unfortunately it won't be enough to help the Alliance retake the lead from the Horde," Nazgrim replied.

"Next up is Trade Prince Jasper Gallywix for the Horde," Taylor said.

Gallywix heaved his bulk from his seat and picked up his ball. He waddled up to the line and then let it go. The ball rolled along dismally slowly missing everything but the last pin in the left corner.

"Oh that was not good," Taylor said with a wince.

"You've got that right," Nazgrim said. "Garrosh looks pretty pissed."

Gallywix looking more than a little concerned quickly recovered his ball and sent it down the lane with a little more force. This time a solid six pins toppled.

"That's a bit better," Taylor said. "Sadly he breaks the Horde's streak of excellent frames."

"Good news is Garrosh hopefully won't take off his head just yet," Nazgrim replied.

"And now it's Prophet Velen for the Alliance," Taylor said dismally.

The busty Draenei nurse wheeled the still sleeping Velen over the lane with ball in his lap. He gave a particularly loud snore and the ball rolled off his lap and into the gutter.

"Oh not good for the Alliance," Nazgrim said barely hiding his amusement.

"Someone wake him up!" Taylor shouted.

Then to everyone's surprise Mekkatorque ran over to Velen and whacked him in the thigh with a wrench. Velen woke with a start and kicked the King of gnomes into the rafters. The Draenei prophet blinked about in sleepy confusion for a moment. Then he seemed to realize he was bowling and hobbled over to the balls and tossed a fresh one down the lane. To everyone's amazement it smashed down all ten of the pins. Velen promptly fell asleep again in his wheel chair and the Busty Draenei nurse wheeled him away.

"Well," Nazgrim said. "That was interesting."

"Velen picks up the spare," Taylor said. "Some how."

"Must be all of the Wii bowling he plays at the old folks home in Exodar," Nazgrim replied.

"Most likely," Taylor agreed.

"Would some one get me down?" Mekkatorque called from the rafters. "My arms hurt."

"Well while someone gets the gnome king down its time for High Chieftain Baine Bloodhoof to roll for the Horde," Nazgrim stated.

Sure enough Baine took his place at the lane, ball in hand. He squared himself up and then let it go down the lane. Sure enough he struck home and made another strike for the Horde.

"And another strike for the Horde," Taylor said.

"That wraps up the first round," Nazgrim said. "Wendy you mind giving us the score?"

The Camera shifted to Wendy by the score board.

"Well Nazgrim as you can see," Wendy started only for an Infernal to crash through the ceiling and crush her.

"Oh shit!" Taylor shouted.

"We're going to cut to commercial now!" Nazgrim said over the shouts and yells from below. "Here's the score!"

"Don't leave we'll be right back!" Taylor added.

Team: Alliance

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Varian- X

Jaina- -6

Tyrande- 8 1

Genn- X

Gelbin- 6 2

Velen- -/

Team total: 23

Team: Horde

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Garrosh- X

Sylvanas- 7/

Saurfang- X

Lor'Themar- 9/

Gallywix- 1 6

Baine- X

Team total: 7


	3. Chapter 3: Round 2

Chapter 3: Round two.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"And welcome back folks," Nazgrim said. "To the no longer secret Shattrath city bowling alley."

"That's right Nazgrim," Taylor said smartly. "After the unfortunate accident that just occurred, resulting in the tragic death Wendy Breezy."

"For reals this time," Nazgrim added.

"We now return to the action with our new in the pit anchor a miss Fizzy Clapshank of the Biglewater Cartel," Taylor continued. "How you doing down there Fizzy?"

The Camera cut down to the to show a female goblin with a pony tail and massive earrings.

"I'm doin' fine Taylor," she replied. "Sadly the same cannot be said for Team Alliance who while they have more point currently on the board are not likely to retain that lead considering the the fact that the Horde team scrapped out three strikes and two spares to the Alliances two strikes and one spare."

Team: Alliance

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Varian- X

Jaina- -6

Tyrande- 8 1

Genn- X

Gelbin- 6 2

Velen- -/

Team total: 23

Team: Horde

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Garrosh- X

Sylvanas- 7/

Saurfang- X

Lor'Themar- 9/

Gallywix- 1 6

Baine- X

Team total: 7

"Sounds like the boys in blue are really going to have to pull out all the stops to keep ahead of the Horde," Nazgrim commented.

"Well we'll see about that Nazgrim," Taylor replied, "as the second round begins in just a moment."

"We'd like to take this brief pause to remind you once again of our sponsors," Nazgrim continued.

"Smokeywood Pastures," Taylor said. "We ruin all your holidays for our profit!"

"Also brought to you by Angry Hawkstriders," Nazgrim said. "Coming soon with a Starcraft spin off! Using Zerglings as the pigs!"

"Did you hear that D.E.H.T.A launched a save the zerglings protest?" Taylor asked.

"No I did not," Nazgrim replied. "What happened?"

"They got Zerg rushed and consumed for their biomass," Taylor answered.

"Well take that you bleeding hippies," Nazgrim said happily.

"And now King Varian Wrynn is getting ready to take his second shot," Taylor said. "Let's see if he can put another strike on the board for the Alliance team."

Down in the lanes Varian selected his ball and moved into position to take his shot.

"Look at the concentration on his face," Nazgrim commented.

"That's how it always looks Nazgrim."

"I know, its hideous."

Varian took a step forward and sent his ball down the lane towards the pins. It skidded about slightly before hitting home with another Strike.

"And another excellent hit from the King of Stormwind," Taylor said happily

"Why do I get the feeling he's going to be keeping this team a float by himself?" Nazgrim asked.

"Now we move onto Warchief Garrosh Hellscream," Taylor continued.

Nazgrim glanced over his shoulder to see Malkorok sharpening his axes while whistling what sounds like a funeral march.

"You okay Nazzie?" Fizzy asked from the pit.

"Fine!" Nazgrim stated rather to sharply. "And don't call me Nazzie."

"I kind of like it," Taylor quipped.

"Shut up Taylor."

Garrosh took up his ball and threw it down to the lane. Like Varian the pins practically exploded as they all went down.

"And thats another strike," Fizzy said.

"If only he ruled as well as he bowels," Taylor commented.

Nazgrim glanced over his shoulder as Malkorok sighted down the edges of his weapons.

"I think he's a wonderful ruler," Nazgrim replied. "The Horde has never been more prosperous!"

"Seriously Nazzie you okay?" Fizzy asked.

"Happy as a clam," Nazgrim answered. "And don't call me Nazzie!"

"Now we move onto Lady Jaina Proudmoore, Archmage of the Kirin Tor," Taylor resumed. "She may want to consider some hair dye."

"Seriously," Fizzy agreed. "Silver and skunk stripe blonde just doesn't work for her."

"I don't know," Nazgrim replied. "I'm not into humans but it looks different from what we're used to."

"I just don't think it works with her eye shadow," Fizzy said.

Jaina picked up her ball and then sent it down the lanes. Unlike before she managed to land a proper his, knocking down seven pins. Three pins still stood in the left corner.

"Not a bad hit," Taylor commented. "Not as solid as would be preferred but it works."

"Looks like my prediction regarding Varian carrying the Alliance team is proving itself true," Nazgrim replied.

Jaina recovered her ball and sent it down the lane again. To pins tumbled to the wood paneling with a clatter, the last pin however stood tall.

"Another good hit but just not what the Alliance needs right now," Taylor said.

"Let's move on to the Dark Lady herself," Nazgrim said. "Sylvanas Windrunner."

The Banshee Queen picked up her ball and took aim. With a solid toss she sent the ball down the lane for a solid strike head on. It plowed through the pins but left everything on the sides standing.

"Oh that is a painful split," Taylor said.

"A hard split," Nazgrim agreed. "But a solid six anyways."

"She's got plenty of power," Fizzy said. "But I'm not sure her accuracy can pull this one off."

Sylvanas recovered her ball and sent it down once more. With a solid hit she sent the two pins on the right flying and by some fluke they knocked down their fellows on the opposite side of the lane.

"Holy light she's done it!" Nazgrim proclaimed.

"Epic Forsaken plot armor at work!" Taylor proclaimed.

"Lets move on boys," Fizzy said. "We got Tyrande heading for her shot."

"Indeed," Nazgrim said. "Let's see if she buckles faster than the her own troops in a battle."

"That sounded kind of racist Nazgrim."

"Well tell the Night Elves to actually win a battle on their own."

Tyrande picked up her ball and moved up to the lane. She took a step forward only to slip on the floor and her ball to fly free.

"Oh crap!" Taylor yelled.

"I hope someone got that on camera," Nazgrim laughed.

The ball bounced a long the alley with loud thuds and smacking sounds. It bounced into the pins only scraping a pitiful three. Tyrande picked herself up looking mortified.

"I think that just went viral," Fizzy said with barely controled giggles.

"Go easy on her guys," Taylor growled.

Tyrande recovered and picked up he ball. With a considerably greater amount of grace she sent the ball down the lane. With a solid hit the pins tumbled under the impact force of the ball.

"That's better," Taylor said. "A solid spare."

"An onto..."

BANG!

"Thrall's balls!" Nazgrim shouted. "Saurfang just scored another strike!"

"Not only that but he also wrote a best selling autobiography at the same time!" Taylor added. "And its already sold four million copies!"

"I might need a towel," Fizzy said weakly.

"Next up for the Alliance is Genn Greymane once again," Nazgrim reported.

"The most stylish werewolf ever," Taylor added.

Genn took up position at the lanes and took aim. Then he let the ball fly down the lane soundly knocking down eight of the the ten pins.

"An excellent hit," Nazgrim commented.

"Agreed," Taylor replied. "Let's see if he can pick up the spare."

Genn recovered his ball and resumed his position. With another toss he let the ball go down the lane. It struck another pin but failed to hit last pin.

"Oh so close," Taylor bemoaned.

"Next up we've got Lor'Themar Theron," Nazgrim stated. "The most stylish leader in the Horde."

"And he got on the cover of Cosmo last month."

"Really?"

"Sweet Kezan that was a great issue," Fizzy commented. "Say what you will about Blood Elves but the Regent Lord has a sexy back."

"Okay..." Nazgrim said slowly. "Moving on."

Lor'Themar picked up his ball and with his usual smooth action let it sail down the lane. With a resounding smack it hit home and downed seven pins.

"Good hit go hit," Taylor said. "Let's see if he can pick up the spare."

Lor'Themar recovered the ball and moved up to his lane. With a considerable amount of focus he sent his ball down the lane and once more picked up the spare.

"And he makes it," Nazgrim said cheerfully.

"I'm almost feeling some Horde favoritism here," Taylor muttered. "Anyways up next is the king of the gnomes, Higher Tinkerer Gelbin Mekkatorque."

"Oh this should be good," Fizzy muttered.

Gelbin hefted his ball and walked up to the lane clearly struggling with the balls weight. He let it roll down the alley and much to everyone's surprise the ball struck home with a solid seven pins.

"Who would have guessed the gnome can bowl?" Nazgrim asked.

"Do you have a problem with gnomes Nazgrim?" Taylor asked.

"No," Nazgrim said quickly. "I most certainly have not play gnome ball."

"Gnome ball?" Taylor asked.

"Think rugby but replace the ball with a live gnome," Fizzy answered.

"Charming."

Gelbin recovered his ball. With a great effort he brought the ball back to the lane and let it roll. To everyone's surprise he managed to pick up the spare solid.

"Kudos to the Gnome king," Taylor said cheerfully.

"Indeed," Nazgrim replied. "Next up is Trade Prince Gallywix."

"Oh great him," Fizzy growled.

"Not a fan of the Trade Prince I take it?" Taylor asked.

"He sold my father into slavery," Fizzy answered.

"That's awful," Nazgrim replied.

"And he didn't give me a cut of the profits."

Silence fell.

"What?" Fizzy demanded. "My father was a dead beat drunk."

Gallywix grabbed his ball and waddled over to the lane. He tossed the ball down the lane and hit another seven pins.

"Well that's doubled his score," Nazgrim stated.

"We seem to be getting a lot of sevens this round," Taylor commented.

Gallywix recovered his ball and scored two more pins.

"Well that was dull," Nazgrim muttered.

"Well its time for Velen to try and get a ball down the lane," Taylor said.

"Come on Velen," Nazgrim said. "Give us something funny."

The busty Draenei nurse rolled Velen up to the balls and put the ball in his lap. Velen remained in his chair still snoring.

"I think they need to wake him up first," Fizzy commented.

The busty Draenei nurse gave him a light shake. Nothing happened. She tried saying something in his ear. Nothing happened. She gave him a hard shaking. Still nothing. She slapped him repeatedly across the face. Nothing once again. She shoved a smelling stick under his nose. Tyrande began filing her nails.

With a frustrated scream the Draenei nurse gave him a hard kick and Velen's ball popped out onto the lane. It rolled down the lane as the nurse was dragged away by security. With a crash the ball knocked down eight pins.

Velen sat up slightly, clearly awake now.

"Is it bingo time already?" He asked.

"Well its something," Taylor admitted.

"Yeah a six out of ten on the funny scale," Nazgrim agreed.

Velen recovered his ball and then sent it down the lane again. Sure enough he picked up the spare again.

"Well let's move along to Baine and finish up this rather uneventful round," Taylor said gloomily.

Baine grabbed his ball and made his way up to the lanes. Just as he was about to release the ball he sneezed and the ball bounced free.

"Oh this might actually match Tyrande's earlier mishap!" Nazgrim shouted excitedly.

The ball bounced along but unlike Tyrande, Baine's ball smacked solidly into the pins and forced a split.

"This is not a welcome turn of events for the Horde," Taylor commented.

"True enough," Nazgrim agreed.

Shame faced, Baine recovered his ball and moved back up the lane. He threw the ball clearly hoping to recreate Sylvanas' feat from before. He knocked over two pins and sent a third flying, straight out of the lane.

"Incoming!" Tirion Fordring shouted.

"What?" Fizzy said before the pin smashed into her face and knocked her to the ground.

"And thats our assistant injured for the round," Nazgrim said.

"And with that I'd see we should take a break while we get another assistant anchor," Taylor added.

"We'll be back folks," Nazgrim said.

"I think she's dead," Lor'Themar called from the lanes.

Team: Alliance

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Varian- X X

Jaina- -6 7 2

Tyrande- 8 1 3/

Genn- X 8 1

Gelbin- 6 2 7/

Velen- -/ 8/

Team total: 23 80

Team: Horde

Name: Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 4 Frame 5 Frame 6 Frame 7 Frame 8 Frame 9 Frame 10

Garrosh- X X

Sylvanas- 7/ 6/

Saurfang- X X

Lor'Themar- 9/ 7/

Gallywix- 1 6 7 2

Baine- X (19) 6 3 (28)

Team total: 7 96


End file.
